hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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