thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
