Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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