I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
