i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I did not marry a roomba.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
