I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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