You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
