You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
