im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
