you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
