Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
