I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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