She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
