Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
