the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
