I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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