apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
