I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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