Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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