Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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