Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
