i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
