Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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