got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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