Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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