please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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