You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
