I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize