we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
