I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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