yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
