Please don't use social media to get back at me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
