i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
