I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
