DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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