Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We smell like vodka and hangover
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