i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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