Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
