Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
