Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
