i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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