yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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