I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Someone shattered a urinal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
