Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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