Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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