My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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