Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
