i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
