dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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