Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
