Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
