his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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