Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
