Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
