I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
