Farmville is her only friend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think i got beer on your cat.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
