connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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