I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize