We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize