I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
