May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I want is dick and wine.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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