We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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