You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
