I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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