so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
