Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The air was thick with penises
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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