It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize