Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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