you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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