Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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