my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
