What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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