it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
