I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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