it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
