I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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