if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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