Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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