well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize