I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
