i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
