I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize