Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
3 2 1 whiskey
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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