somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
