Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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