I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
