Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
