wanna go halves on a baby?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
