I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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