Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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