dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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