Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
