You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
