You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
