Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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