i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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