We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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