Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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