Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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