You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
