So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
