What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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