i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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