I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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