You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
