I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
