I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
