I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
